Several years ago, Martina McBride released a song called "In My Daughter's Eyes." It is a beautiful ballad detailing a mother's love for her daughter. This song immediately hit home with me because of my Katie. There is a special relationship between mothers and daughters. When God blessed me with a little girl in 1990, I never dreamed of the journey that lay ahead. I imagined tea parties, slumber parties, cheerleading try-outs, school dances, and eventually being the mother of the bride. I wanted for her so many of the things I never got to do or achieve in my life.
At first meeting, I knew Katie was going to be gorgeous. She was one of the most beautiful babies I had ever seen--and not just because she was mine. Blonde hair, olive skin and deep green eyes. (My daddy's eyes!) I could already see her being crowned homecoming queen! Everyone who saw her commented on how pretty she was!
God's plan for Katie was quite different that my visions for her future, and it's taken twenty years for my acceptance (I think I'm there!) of that plan. When Katie was diagnosed in 1993 with cerebral palsy and mental retardation, I think I grieved for many years. I think Jeff threw himself into his work thinking money could "fix" the situation. I think eventually we both grieved the child that we lost--the child that would have been captain of the cheer squad or president of her class; the child that would have held tea parties with her teddy bears or slumber parties with her friends; the child that would have had long heart to heart talks with her mom and that would have eventuallly walked down the aisle with her dad. Our grief over the child that we did not have far exceeded the joy that we had for the child that we did have. It was like this for many years.
But in God's plan, Katie changed our lives. Katie changed the lives of everyone with whom she came in contact. Everyone touched by Katie was a different person because of the connection to her, and it has continued this way for twenty years now.
Almost a year ago, Katie moved to a group home a few miles from our house. This was a tremendous challenge for all of us--except Katie. After an initial week or so of transitioning, Katie was fine. She was the center of a new universe--with new friends--just like herself. No longer was she the "different" person in the crowd. This was a shock to us to see that she really could be happy away from us. We always thought she would be at home with us for as long as we lived. God put the right people in our lives at just the right times. We were shown that what may have been best for us, was not necessarily best for Katie.
So now at twenty, Katie is living a constant slumber party with new friends and a new home. She is giggling with friends, and she is loving her life. She goes to the movies and to restaurants. She goes shopping. When she comes home to visit, she is glad to be here. She is glad to see us, and she hugs and loves us. After a while, she is ready to go back to her new home. She has grown up--something I never thought she would do. Although her life is not as I had planned it, it is as God planned it. She is happy. We are happy. Life is good.
And when I hear Martina's song--I cry. I know that I see so many things in Katie's eyes--things I never dreamed! God's plan was the right plan--for us, and for Katie. Even though I will never have a "normal" relationship with my daughter in this life, it is alright. I am assured that I will spend eternity with her because we are God's children above all.
So when I see Katie, I know God gave us a miracle. She was sent to rescue me. She sees no inequality because of social status or skin color in this world. She sees only peace. She trusts that things will be okay. She gives me strength when I don't think I can go forward. She gives me reason to hang on a little longer. She has made me happier than I ever imagined. I see who I want to be--in my daughter's eyes.
"In My Daughter's Eyes" Lyrics
In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero.
I am strong an' wise,
And I know no fear.
But the truth is plain to see:
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I wanna be, in my daughter's eyes.
In my daughter's eyes, everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace.
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak.
I find reason to believe, in my daughter's eyes.
An' when she wraps her hand around my finger,
Oh, it puts a smile in my heart.
Everything becomes a little clearer.
I realize what life is all about.
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough;
It's givin' more when you feel like givin' up.
I've seen the light: it's in my daughter's eyes.
In my daughter's eyes, I can see the future.
A reflection of who I am,
An' what will be.
An' though she'll grow an', some day, leave:
Maybe raise a family,
When I'm gone, I hope you'll see,
How happy she made me,
For I'll be there, in my daughter's eyes.
Katie, Colton, Conner & Jeff
My soul mate, Jeff, and Katie, Colton and Conner, the three gifts from God that call me "Mom"
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
"Walking Her Home"
In this life, there are some people with whom we come in contact, who influence our lives more than we could ever imagine. Parents, teachers, coaches--we've all had those relationships that truly shape the person we become.
When I decided to become a "Sweet" now almost 26 years ago, I had no idea how much Jeff's family would become "my" family in every way. When I met his HUGE family as a young 19 year old girl, I was overwhelmed by the immediate acceptance and unconditional love shown by his numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, and immediate family.
Two members of his family have served as friends, mentors, and counselors to us throughout those years. Dennis and Terre Conner have had such a tremendous effect on our lives that I wanted to share this. When Jeff and I began dating, all I heard about was Dennis and Terre. Dennis, Jeff's first cousin, was more like Jeff's brother than cousin. Dennis and his wife, Terre, lived in North Carolina, where Dennis was a minister. I remember meeting them and thinking what how their personalities were really different. Dennis, with his quiet, unassuming, but comical ways, and Terre, with her contagious laughter, and unbelievable robust energy and zest for life.
Dennis married us in 1985, and I remember the pre-marital counseling he held with us. His main advice was to love each other, and try to avoid saying "always" and "never". I remember eating dinner with Dennis and Terre and watching their interactions as a young married couple, as well. Their love for each other was so evident from the way they looked at each other to the way they cuddled on the couch. I thought to myself--"Now, that's the way I want our marriage to be!" Through the years, the miles between us limited the time we spent together. Regardless of the miles, Dennis and Terre continued to be a major influence in our lives.
When our youngest son was born, Jeff and I decided his name would be Conner, for Dennis and Terre. (Dennis was insistent that we spell it correctly with an "er" instead of an "or.") Conner turned 14 years old yesterday, and stills says he like the way his name is spelled because it makes him different. (Thanks, Denny!)
Shortly after Conner's birth, Dennis and Terre's life began a path that none of us would have expected. After finding a small lump in her breast, Terre was diagnosed with breast cancer. This battle would last for the next thirteen years with remissions, recurrences, radiation and rejoicing. Battling the disease that wreiked havoc in her lungs; her liver; her brain, Terri underwent so much physically. Experimental drugs; experimental therapies; excruciating pain; excruciating disappointments.
Through all of this Terre never lost her faith. She served as an example of total surrender to God's will in her life. She spoke on many occasions publicly about how the cancer had brought her closer to her Father, and how in many ways it had changed her life for the better. Finally Dennis and Terre decided together that there would be no more treatments; no more harsh drugs; only more time together. More time to look deeply into one another's eyes. More time to say the words that needed to be said. More time to see the places they wanted to see. More time to just be Dennis and Terre--together.
Terre lived the rest of her life on this earth to the fullest--with humility, dignity and trust in God. When God called her home last fall, she was ready. Cancer ravaged her physical body, but it couldn't touch her spirit. As she went to be with the Lord, she celebrated. And although we grieved the physical loss of the person we knew as Terre, we also celebrated that Terre's spirit was now with the Lord.
Dennis was always the perfect example of a Godly husband, and no more so that in Terre's illness. For many years, he rode the medical rollercoaster right along side of her--with all the ups and downs that went along with the disease. He wrote almost daily updates on a website by which his faith and love for God--and Terre--was evidenced in each word. His words showed a man whose physical heart was breaking as he watched the love of his life suffering. His words showed a man whose spirit never questioned--"Why me? Why us? Why Terre?" His words showed a man who knew God's plan was much bigger than his understanding of it.
As Dennis prepared for Terre's "homecoming," as he called it, there was of course grief. But that grief was accompanied by the knowledge that physical death is not the end--it is just the beginning. At Terre's celebration service in Raleigh, Dennis spoke of his precious bride, and their journey together. Another speaker spoke of Dennis, and how he had witnessed Dennis "walking Terre home." We had all witnessed this, and what a blessing it had been--and continues to be--in our lives.
A friend wrote these words in a song in honor of Dennis' relationship with our sweet Terre:
“WALKING HER HOME”
I remember seeing you after school one day.
You were standing outside all alone
And I began a new path with that question I asked,
“Oh, may I walk you all the way home?
I’d like to walk with you all the way home.”
Your Father was waiting at the door for you
And had that ‘Glad to see you’ smile painted on.
And he said to me as I turned to leave,
“Thank you for walking my daughter back home.
Thank you for walking her all the way home.”
And we kept walking many miles
To the church and down the aisle,
Oh, step by step through the sunshine and the rain.
And we kept walking hand in hand
Making memories, making plans,
Oh, but no could have planned for the pain.
When we walked in that office where they gave you the news
And you held together like stone,
Right then I knew what I was born to do,
And that’s walk with you all the way home.
And the Father, He was there
At the door with every prayer
That had been prayed for you all along the way.
And though His answer broke my heart,
I could feel the healing start
When I heard that tender voice say,
I heard Him say…
“Thank you for walking My daughter back home.
Oh yes, you walked with her all the way home.”
I don't think there is any greater earthly tribute those words. This is what a Christian marriage should be. This is what any relationship in this life should be. We all are here to help one another--to aid one another--to walk with one another--on our journey, and in reaching our Heavenly home.
Thank you, Dennis and Terre. Thank you for showing your love for one another. Thank you for showing your love and acceptance of God's will in your lives. Thank you for being my family--and my friends. Thank you for helping me--and so many others--on our walk with the Lord. I hope I can be half of the example you always have been to me!
When I decided to become a "Sweet" now almost 26 years ago, I had no idea how much Jeff's family would become "my" family in every way. When I met his HUGE family as a young 19 year old girl, I was overwhelmed by the immediate acceptance and unconditional love shown by his numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, and immediate family.
Two members of his family have served as friends, mentors, and counselors to us throughout those years. Dennis and Terre Conner have had such a tremendous effect on our lives that I wanted to share this. When Jeff and I began dating, all I heard about was Dennis and Terre. Dennis, Jeff's first cousin, was more like Jeff's brother than cousin. Dennis and his wife, Terre, lived in North Carolina, where Dennis was a minister. I remember meeting them and thinking what how their personalities were really different. Dennis, with his quiet, unassuming, but comical ways, and Terre, with her contagious laughter, and unbelievable robust energy and zest for life.
Dennis married us in 1985, and I remember the pre-marital counseling he held with us. His main advice was to love each other, and try to avoid saying "always" and "never". I remember eating dinner with Dennis and Terre and watching their interactions as a young married couple, as well. Their love for each other was so evident from the way they looked at each other to the way they cuddled on the couch. I thought to myself--"Now, that's the way I want our marriage to be!" Through the years, the miles between us limited the time we spent together. Regardless of the miles, Dennis and Terre continued to be a major influence in our lives.
When our youngest son was born, Jeff and I decided his name would be Conner, for Dennis and Terre. (Dennis was insistent that we spell it correctly with an "er" instead of an "or.") Conner turned 14 years old yesterday, and stills says he like the way his name is spelled because it makes him different. (Thanks, Denny!)
Shortly after Conner's birth, Dennis and Terre's life began a path that none of us would have expected. After finding a small lump in her breast, Terre was diagnosed with breast cancer. This battle would last for the next thirteen years with remissions, recurrences, radiation and rejoicing. Battling the disease that wreiked havoc in her lungs; her liver; her brain, Terri underwent so much physically. Experimental drugs; experimental therapies; excruciating pain; excruciating disappointments.
Through all of this Terre never lost her faith. She served as an example of total surrender to God's will in her life. She spoke on many occasions publicly about how the cancer had brought her closer to her Father, and how in many ways it had changed her life for the better. Finally Dennis and Terre decided together that there would be no more treatments; no more harsh drugs; only more time together. More time to look deeply into one another's eyes. More time to say the words that needed to be said. More time to see the places they wanted to see. More time to just be Dennis and Terre--together.
Terre lived the rest of her life on this earth to the fullest--with humility, dignity and trust in God. When God called her home last fall, she was ready. Cancer ravaged her physical body, but it couldn't touch her spirit. As she went to be with the Lord, she celebrated. And although we grieved the physical loss of the person we knew as Terre, we also celebrated that Terre's spirit was now with the Lord.
Dennis was always the perfect example of a Godly husband, and no more so that in Terre's illness. For many years, he rode the medical rollercoaster right along side of her--with all the ups and downs that went along with the disease. He wrote almost daily updates on a website by which his faith and love for God--and Terre--was evidenced in each word. His words showed a man whose physical heart was breaking as he watched the love of his life suffering. His words showed a man whose spirit never questioned--"Why me? Why us? Why Terre?" His words showed a man who knew God's plan was much bigger than his understanding of it.
As Dennis prepared for Terre's "homecoming," as he called it, there was of course grief. But that grief was accompanied by the knowledge that physical death is not the end--it is just the beginning. At Terre's celebration service in Raleigh, Dennis spoke of his precious bride, and their journey together. Another speaker spoke of Dennis, and how he had witnessed Dennis "walking Terre home." We had all witnessed this, and what a blessing it had been--and continues to be--in our lives.
A friend wrote these words in a song in honor of Dennis' relationship with our sweet Terre:
“WALKING HER HOME”
I remember seeing you after school one day.
You were standing outside all alone
And I began a new path with that question I asked,
“Oh, may I walk you all the way home?
I’d like to walk with you all the way home.”
Your Father was waiting at the door for you
And had that ‘Glad to see you’ smile painted on.
And he said to me as I turned to leave,
“Thank you for walking my daughter back home.
Thank you for walking her all the way home.”
And we kept walking many miles
To the church and down the aisle,
Oh, step by step through the sunshine and the rain.
And we kept walking hand in hand
Making memories, making plans,
Oh, but no could have planned for the pain.
When we walked in that office where they gave you the news
And you held together like stone,
Right then I knew what I was born to do,
And that’s walk with you all the way home.
And the Father, He was there
At the door with every prayer
That had been prayed for you all along the way.
And though His answer broke my heart,
I could feel the healing start
When I heard that tender voice say,
I heard Him say…
“Thank you for walking My daughter back home.
Oh yes, you walked with her all the way home.”
I don't think there is any greater earthly tribute those words. This is what a Christian marriage should be. This is what any relationship in this life should be. We all are here to help one another--to aid one another--to walk with one another--on our journey, and in reaching our Heavenly home.
Thank you, Dennis and Terre. Thank you for showing your love for one another. Thank you for showing your love and acceptance of God's will in your lives. Thank you for being my family--and my friends. Thank you for helping me--and so many others--on our walk with the Lord. I hope I can be half of the example you always have been to me!
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