In My Daughter's Eyes

Several years ago, Martina McBride released a song called "In My Daughter's Eyes."  It is a beautiful ballad detailing a mother's love for her daughter.  This song immediately hit home with me because of my Katie.  There is a special relationship between mothers and daughters.  When God blessed me with a little girl in 1990, I never dreamed of the journey that lay ahead.  I imagined tea parties, slumber parties, cheerleading try-outs, school dances, and eventually being the mother of the bride.  I wanted for her so many of the things I never got to do or achieve in my life.

At first meeting, I knew Katie was going to be gorgeous.  She was one of the most beautiful babies I had ever seen--and not just because she was mine.  Blonde hair, olive skin and deep green eyes.  (My daddy's eyes!)  I could already see her being crowned homecoming queen!  Everyone who saw her commented on how pretty she was!

God's plan for Katie was quite different that my visions for her future, and it's taken twenty years for my acceptance (I think I'm there!) of that plan.  When Katie was diagnosed in 1993 with cerebral palsy and mental retardation, I think I grieved for many years.  I think Jeff threw himself into his work thinking money could "fix" the situation.  I think eventually we both grieved the child that we lost--the child that would have been captain of the cheer squad or president of her class; the child that would have held tea parties with her teddy bears or slumber parties with her friends; the child that would have had long heart to heart talks with her mom and that would have eventuallly walked down the aisle with her dad.  Our grief over the child that we did not have far exceeded the joy that we had for the child that we did have.  It was like this for many years.

But in God's plan, Katie changed our lives.  Katie changed the lives of everyone with whom she came in contact.  Everyone touched by Katie was a different person because of the connection to her, and it has continued this way for twenty years now.

Almost a year ago, Katie moved to a group home a few miles from our house.  This was a tremendous challenge for all of us--except Katie.  After an initial week or so of transitioning, Katie was fine.  She was the center of a new universe--with new friends--just like herself.  No longer was she the "different" person in the crowd.  This was a shock to us to see that she really could be happy away from us.  We always thought she would be at home with us for as long as we lived.  God put the right people in our lives at just the right times.  We were shown that what may have been best for us, was not necessarily best for Katie. 

So now at twenty, Katie is living a constant slumber party with new friends and a new home.  She is giggling with friends, and she is loving her life.  She goes to the movies and to restaurants.  She goes shopping.  When she comes home to visit, she is glad to be here.  She is glad to see us, and she hugs and loves us.  After a while, she is ready to go back to her new home.  She has grown up--something I never thought she would do.  Although her life is not as I had planned it, it is as God planned it.  She is happy.  We are happy.  Life is good.

And when I hear Martina's song--I cry.  I know that I see so many things in Katie's eyes--things I never dreamed!  God's plan was the right plan--for us, and for Katie.  Even though I will never have a "normal" relationship with my daughter in this life, it is alright.  I am assured that I will spend eternity with her because we are God's children above all.

So when I see Katie, I know God gave us a miracle.  She was sent to rescue me.  She sees no inequality because of social status or skin color in this world.  She sees only peace.  She trusts that things will be okay.  She gives me strength when I don't think I can go forward.  She gives me reason to hang on a little longer.  She has made me happier than I ever imagined.  I see who I want to be--in my daughter's eyes.


"In My Daughter's Eyes" Lyrics
In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero.
I am strong an' wise,
And I know no fear.
But the truth is plain to see:
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I wanna be, in my daughter's eyes.

In my daughter's eyes, everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace.
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak.
I find reason to believe, in my daughter's eyes.

An' when she wraps her hand around my finger,
Oh, it puts a smile in my heart.
Everything becomes a little clearer.
I realize what life is all about.
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough;
It's givin' more when you feel like givin' up.
I've seen the light: it's in my daughter's eyes.

In my daughter's eyes, I can see the future.
A reflection of who I am,
An' what will be.
An' though she'll grow an', some day, leave:
Maybe raise a family,
When I'm gone, I hope you'll see,
How happy she made me,
For I'll be there, in my daughter's eyes.